Thursday, December 19, 2013

Is It Lack of Love or Lack of Friendship?

photo courtesy of

I read this quote from a philosopher that said,  

“It is not a lack of love, 
but a lack of friendship 
that makes unhappy marriages.” 

Is that true? Well, i can not answer that question from a marriage perspective because I'm not yet married nor have been married before but i know that the Bible can answer that question.

In Ephesians 5:25 (New Century Version), its says there,

Husbands, love your wives 
as Christ loved the church 
and gave himself for it.

We can also read in Ephesians 5:33, J.B.Phillips New Testament Translation:

Men ought to give their wives the love 
they naturally have for their own bodies. 
The love a man gives his wife is the extending of his love 
for himself to enfold her. 
Nobody ever hates or neglects his own body; 
he feeds and looks after it. 
And that is what Christ does for his body, 
the Church. 
And we are all members of that body, 
we are his flesh and blood! 
‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother 
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’. 
The marriage relationship is doubtless
 a great mystery, but I am speaking of something deeper still—
the marriage of Christ and his Church. 
In practice what I have said amounts to this: 
let every one of you who is a husband love his wife 
as he loves himself;
 let the wife reverence her husband.

It also says in 1 Corinthians 13:13 that, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Love is the greatest. It surpasses faith and hope and how much more friendship. So if love is the greatest, love should be the main ingredient or the main reason why one is married. Love should be the reason why you want to marry and why you want to be with that person the rest of your life. Friendship is just a fruit of that love.

Love was also written first as the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22, among others.

But what is love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New International Version) define love this way:

  Love is patient, love is kind. 
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
 it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
 It always protects, always trusts,
 always hopes, 
always perseveres.
Love never fails.

New Century version says,

Love is patient and kind. 
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.  
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. 
Love does not count up wrongs that have been done.
Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 
Love patiently accepts all things. 
It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
Love never ends

I love how J.B Phillips New Testament Translates it,

 This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience—
it looks for a way of being constructive. 
It is not possessive: 
it is neither anxious to impress 
nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance.
Love has good manners 
and does not pursue selfish advantage. 
It is not touchy. 
It does not keep account of evil 
or gloat over the wickedness of other people. 
On the contrary,
 it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limit to its endurance, 
no end to its trust, 
no fading of its hope;
 it can outlast anything.
 It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands 
when all else has fallen.
(emphasis mine)

I love that, "Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.

And from those passages, love is an action word. If its action and you get tired of loving, then you need to go to the source of love everyday to refresh that love for your wife or husband. God is the source of love and i believe that if the husband and wife have their personal relationship with the source of love...the lover of our soul..the Lord Jesus Christ, they wont fall out of love and won't look for someone else to love because that love for his/her spouse will just be renewed everyday as they spend time to the Lord- the giver, the source and the author of LOVE. 

May you love your spouse until Jesus comes. Enjoy your marriage!

Copyright © 2013  by Mari Ann Rose "Mariah" F. Gadapan . All rights reserved worldwide.
(I put "copyright" on my every post because this is my blog site, it's like my signature on my every post.)
By the grace of God I am what I am


  1. Friendship in marriage is very important. you can laugh with your friend, talk to your friend and share all sorts of secrets you won't otherwise share with just anyone and your spouse should be the closest. most intimate person/friend in your life once you're married.

  2. thank you, Thess for dropping by and for the comment. i don't discount friendship but the greatest is love of course. as the bible says, love is the greatest and it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen.

  3. Of course Mari Ann. Love is already a "given". Can't marry without "love" so it's already there.

  4. hi, do you want to sell this wedding blog? I would be love to buy. my email is hannah at

    1. i'm sorry, Hannah. im not selling this blogsite. Thanks for visiting my blog.

  5. Hey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.


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